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FUTURE by Esperanza Eian

A dark rainy past

I always knew would never last

Looking forward to a

Bright sunny future

Leaving my hurt and pain behind

Everything I’ve ever wanted will be mine

Now is the time to allow my light to shine

All the things I could not see while I was blind

Now I see I have finally opened my mind

My decisions and I control my future

I’m in it to win it with all the tools

I have gathered

Like a bird I can spread my wings

I’m excited to no longer be stuck with one

Foot in the middle and my other foot in front of me

I can’t wait to move forward because

Now I believe in me I have to be

All I can be in order to succeed nothing

Can hold me back

I’m taking over following a different path

Nothing will stop me or sway me off track!

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BLUE SKIES (song) by Shimika S Clark

Chorus

No more Blue Skies for me

Only Blue I see’s behind these bars

Only stormy skies for me

Pairing down inside these prison walls

Praying God make up my mind for me

I do my best just to remain strong

But nobody can do my time for me

So I man up and carry on

 

 

Verse #1

Time ticking down

Time passing slow

But I bet you it is moving faster on the outdoors

My people ain’t hollering

Why I don’t know

I guess they ain’t got the time

I guess they ain’t got the dough

I guess they don’t care to show

But they don’t owe me shit

They say they holding mail

So my letters not received

I think they got my mail

And threw it out that’s what I believe

All my life I did me

I did my bitches to though

I held my nigga down

But hell shit happens you know

I accept all the responsibilities for my actions

And the judge sent me up the road

But like I said shit happens

Living my life to fast

I got a VOP

Now I live life in slow motion

Waiting to be set free

I know God is testing me

Can’t let this get the best of me

I miss my daughter, mother, and husband

This shit stressing me

 

 

Chorus

No more Blue Skies for me

Only Blue I see’s behind these bars

Only stormy skies for me

Pairing down inside these prison walls

Praying God make up my mind for me

I do my best just to remain strong

But nobody can do my time for me

So I man up and carry on

Verse #2

It gets hard sometimes,

Especially when I’m going through the struggle

And strife

I thank God at all times

Because at least I got my life

At least I got my pride

Even though I don’t always get blue skies

So every night I pray

Father god helps me maintain

And keep me out of the rain

 

Chorus

No more Blue Skies for me

Only Blue I see’s behind these bars

Only stormy skies for me

Pairing down inside these prison walls

Praying God make up my mind for me

I do my best just to remain strong

But nobody can do my time for me

So I man up and carry on

 

QUEEN OF NOTHING by Shimika S Clark

Behold the Queen of Nothing

Ruler of the gas station snacks,

Her throne is made of cupcakes

Cheetos put her on the map

The Reigning queen of debit calls

And visitations too,

Talks down to all the peasants

What are we poor folks to do?

Her smile is made of silver

And her heart is made of mold,

Her court is full of followers

Who cannot think for their own?

Her knights are all but valiant

They are only there for looks,

Her crier cries out all the time

But yet and still she’s shook.

She only speaks of fairy tales

Nobody cares to hear,

She must have had that shiny smile

About a thousand years.

All hail to the Queen Of Nothing,

And soon she will be free at last,

But we will just keep her bed warm

For the Queen will soon be back.

THE SUN & THE MOON by Cassie Brunet

You are the sun, I am the moon.

Without the sun, the moon won’t glow.

We are apart, but we will reunite soon.

You are the soil; I am the flower who must absorb this rain in order to grow.

You are the night, I am the star.

I need your darkness to twinkle in the sky.

You are the road, I am just a car.

Just like you are the wind, I am a kite that needs you to fly.

You are a tree, I am the branch.

You are the sky, I am the cloud.

I am a horse, you are the whole ranch.

You are like the quiet, I am the loud.

With you I have everything I need, without you I have none.

Because I am the moon and you are the Sun.

LOVE by Esperanza Eian

I loved once or twice and it was beautiful.  Two hearts beats with one beat something pure oh so sweet.  Then I was left broken and open.  No way could I love anyone again.  For my heart I was ready to fend.  Young and naïve I was just looking for someone to please.  All along I was looking for myself.  My happiness and joy was my only concern.  Instead of a man to hold.  It was me I should have been trying to mold.  This thing in my chest is called a heart.  It was a beautiful disaster right from the start.  I’ve been broken for sometime but now I will let go and clear my mind.  Love is important but you must love yourself before you love another.  To be whole is all I want.  Still my broken heart will always HAUNT!

SILENCE by Esperanza Eian

Silence is that defeating noise when you can’t hear a thing.  The whisper of the air, the silence of a home setting.  A silence so disturbing it makes me long to roam.  Just to pick up a few things and happily jump a train.  Just to hear the rails squeal and drown out the silence.  It sounds so lame and yet who is to blame the mouth or the fire… That draws her to the flame.

 

Self Worth by Nedda Bentley

The Webster dictionary defines the word WORTH: the value of; or deserving

 

Growing up as children of an alcoholic father we were not taught the value of love.  We certainly were not taught to feel deserving of any.  We learned early on to just not feel.  “You’re as worthless as tits on a tom cat!” and “Pull your head out of your ass and use it to think with” were a few of dad’s many endearments.  To this day our mother has great difficulty speaking much about the derogatory, demeaning words and actions, which shamed her into years of emotional and physical oppression as well as deep depression.

 

Not until my oldest sister, seven years my senior, left home for a year in Germany followed by college away from home did she discover the gate to the world of Self Worth.  She later shared her journey with the rest of us.  We were quick to follow in her footsteps, which turned, into a trail of crumbs.  The journey started at loneliness, isolation, depression and loss of hope.  It traveled through anger, resentment, guilt, regrets and self-doubt.  Then over mountains of manipulation, feelings of worthlessness, fear and betrayal.

 

Once we realized the insanity of our situation which was dads alcoholism placing the needs and safety last.  We packed our emotional baggage and headed out the door while dad was “sleeping it off!”    After all, nothing is more important than ones own addiction. Right?  Nothing feels worse or is as emotionally damaging than being rejected by a reject.  Once dad made it that he was committed to staying sick (sleeping it off) we ever so reluctantly left him alone.  We decided we were no longer going to be manipulated, blamed and threatened.  Dad was left to his constant crisis and blackouts.  No more living with the abuse of an addict.  That’s what we told each other anyway.

 

The decision was made.  We are deserving of love, acceptance, compassion and respect.  If one of us could just figure out who or where our higher power exists we would pray for guidance.  For now we are crossing the desert in desperation and confusion searching for the star to lead our way into safety: to find purpose, value and happiness in our uniqueness at the sea of serenity and shores of Self Worth.

 

Nedda Bentley