REALIZATION

The realization has finally hit me

The aches of my pain has dawned on me

Stricken abruptly by my past mishaps of

My dealings, with what’s called addiction

Funny, my mother I saw, appeared before

Me in a glass. Reflected of her being, but

Both our past in me.

Oh, how this pain stricken me

To walk down the path that killed her deliberately

With relapse and mishaps

It’s okay to make mistakes.  But, it’s the

Mistakes that makes us when we wallow in

Our shameful pain.  Pity from our past that laughs.

Our hearts are so warm it melts inside

The storm.  With no warning it comes so fast

To speak out loud, OH how I’ve realized…

That this time will be the last time…

Who I’ve lost, goodbyes to offspring

I’ve brought into this world, depending on me

To make them through, Goodbye to those I look at still, Goodbye to

My should of’s would of’s could of’s

If I only have should of’s Goodbye to only If’s

God take this hand of mine

Help me become more like you

With your blood of wine… Your bread of life… It’s my right

Help me to fulfill the life you have always planned to instill before me

Help me fulfill your needs, wants, and destiny

HELP ME LORD!  HERE I STAND, Here I AM…

Do you not hear my cry to you?

I stand foreign of my debts to you

I STAND because I belong with you

Realization has finally sunken through

Sharon Jackson

COUNTIN DAYS IN COUNTY

Runnin low on patience

Runnin low on faith

Losin touch with love

And I’m learning how to hate

Temper runnin high

Fears are runnin higher

Been in limbo way too long

Think I’d rather feel fire

Used to be a different girl

Now I can’t even tell

Swerved off the path to heaven

Sittin in the waiting room to hell

Angela Specker

Aside

God I can not do nothing right

Dead emotions reliving my past life

How will I win this fight

I started within myself

So long ago

Back when I was innocent

Yet so old

Cheering and dancing were my passion, one

I gave up for acting, just to keep things cool,

I went to school

Just to make the boys drool

Little did I know I was looking the Fool

I had everything a girl could want

But I threw it all away

For something I thought was more fun

That crazy life, that wildlife, that nightlife

That made me grow just not inside

Daddy was not home

Mom drank shit with white foam

At 12 what do I do?

Just drive around smoke and cruise

You know it is better said

I went to far ahead, and started to rebel

Against all the good I could not tell

Like always shaking my ass in the club I was growing to fast

Started hooking up with boys

When really I should have been hooking up with school

Now I am 19 and I am expecting things that did not seem

Could really happen to me

Thought I was strong and always right

Despite

The fact I was going down the wrong path

Truly that is not where happiness ever was at

   by Hilda

LIFE

Sitting here depressed alone in my cell wondering what went wrong why did I end up in HELL.

     Glad I’m alone so no one can see the pain and hurt that has been bestowed upon me.

     Hoping I’ll make it through what now I have to call my life to make it out before I die.

     All the meds in the world could not bring me up.  My husband and children are not in my life.

     So I sit and I rot from the inside out.  Inside this hell I can not get out, Sit alone and cry at night just to get up and repeat my now so called life.

 

Boz

WHY DO YOU SLEEP?

When I sleep I am not lonely

I’m connected to the world again.

When I sleep I do not cry;

I have back all that I have lost.

When I sleep I escape these walls;

I have hope, love and a future.

When I sleep I have a family;

I’m a mother, a daughter and a friend.

You ask how I can sleep so much

I ask “How can I sleep more?”

 

Specker

WALLS AND WINDOW

A blanket and a mat. Vulnerable.

No clothes, no pencil, no book;

Just a naked body and a naked soul.

No privacy, all my pain on display

Unable to do anything but think

Nothing to read but the memories

No way to create but to dream

3 walls and a window to my soul

Never so exposed so bare

Covered the window forever

 

Specker

MISTAKES

We all have them,

You can’t say you don’t.

We all have made them

You can’t say you won’t.

 

Because of the name,

They are in the past.

But with our brain

They tend to last.

 

Forgive and forget,

That’s what they say.

It’s not that simple,

Like night and day.

 

It comes back somehow,

To haunt our memory.

To hurt us always,

Make it misery.

 

But how will we know,

Without taking stakes.

Whether it’s right or wrong,

Without making mistakes.

 

Lea Rose