When I sleep I’m not so lonely

I’m connected to the world again

When I sleep I don’t cry

I have back all that I have lost

When I sleep I escape these walls

I have hope, love, a future

When I sleep I have a family

I am a mother, a daughter, a friend

You ask how can I sleep so much

I ask “How can I sleep even more”?!


Angela Specker


A blanket and a mat. Vunerable.

No clothes, no pencils, no book;

Just a naked body and a naked soul.

No privacy, all my on display

Unable to do anything but think.

Nothing to read but the memories,

No way to create but to dream.

3 walls and a window to my soul

never so exposed, so bare.

Now I’ve built new walls,

Covered the window forever.


Angela Specker


As the little girl laid in the meadow

Watching the clouds dance and change

As they moved with the wind she stood

Up to find a butterfly floating in the breeze

Twisting and turning she started to dance gracefully

Flowing with the butterfly and the clouds to

What was called natures dance




Sitting here depressed alone in my

Cell wondering what went wrong why

Did I end up in HELL?

Glad I’m alone so no one can

See the pain and hurt that has been

Bestow on me


Hoping I’ll make it through

What now I have to call my life

To make it out before I die


All the meds in the world could

Not bring me up because my Husband my

Kids my family is not in my life


So I sit and I rot from the inside

Out.  Inside this hell I can’t get out.

Sit alone and cry at night Just to get up

And repeat my now so-called life




We all have them,

You can’t say you don’t.

We all have made them,

You can’t say you won’t.


Because of the name,

They are in the past.

But with our brain,

They tend to last


Forgive and forget,

That’s what they say.

It’s not that simple,

Like night and day.


It comes back somehow,

To haven’t our memory.

To hurt us always,

Make it misery.


But how will we know,

Without taking stakes.

Whether it’s right or wrong,

Without making mistakes.


Lea Rose Hay Swartzentruber


When I read my angel card about the little messages life gives us and how we should listen if similar ones keep repeating (synchronicity) I can only relate one way, the “Radio Game.” Anyone who’s ever been on a long road trip with me knows about this fun and unorthodox way to leave life’s big decisions up to the universe. When a major situation, choice or dilemma has me going in circles I ask my grandpas for guidance. Since they’ve both passed on and I’m not quite nuts enough to hear voices- I let the radio do the talking. I turn the volume all the way down after hitting the scan button, and then I ask my grandfather’s opinions. I turn it up, ignore talk or commercials, stop on the next song and interpret lyrics as they can be related to situations. No- it’s not scientific. It’s probably blasphemy and a little silly but then again I’m not scientific, a bit blasphemous and quite silly. Anyway I get about the same results as if I’d labored over these issues. It works out well sometimes and not so well most of the time, just like life. Regardless I waste less time debating and deciding and get an excuse to touch base with my favorite dead guys. I sometimes even find a new song I enjoy.


Angela Specker