When I sleep I’m not so lonely
I’m connected to the world again
When I sleep I don’t cry
I have back all that I have lost
When I sleep I escape these walls
I have hope, love, a future
When I sleep I have a family
I am a mother, a daughter, a friend
You ask how can I sleep so much
I ask “How can I sleep even more”?!
A blanket and a mat. Vunerable.
No clothes, no pencils, no book;
Just a naked body and a naked soul.
No privacy, all my on display
Unable to do anything but think.
Nothing to read but the memories,
No way to create but to dream.
3 walls and a window to my soul
never so exposed, so bare.
Now I’ve built new walls,
Covered the window forever.
As the little girl laid in the meadow
Watching the clouds dance and change
As they moved with the wind she stood
Up to find a butterfly floating in the breeze
Twisting and turning she started to dance gracefully
Flowing with the butterfly and the clouds to
What was called natures dance
Once upon a time
The sun used to shine
The sea felt so free
Now it swallows me
I used to feel love
But my heart has turned numb
New life came with air
Now it’s filled with despair
The darkness fell only at night
It has become my only sight
But the sun used to shine
Once upon a time
Sitting here depressed alone in my
Cell wondering what went wrong why
Did I end up in HELL?
Glad I’m alone so no one can
See the pain and hurt that has been
Bestow on me
Hoping I’ll make it through
What now I have to call my life
To make it out before I die
All the meds in the world could
Not bring me up because my Husband my
Kids my family is not in my life
So I sit and I rot from the inside
Out. Inside this hell I can’t get out.
Sit alone and cry at night Just to get up
And repeat my now so-called life
We all have them,
You can’t say you don’t.
We all have made them,
You can’t say you won’t.
Because of the name,
They are in the past.
But with our brain,
They tend to last
Forgive and forget,
That’s what they say.
It’s not that simple,
Like night and day.
It comes back somehow,
To haven’t our memory.
To hurt us always,
Make it misery.
But how will we know,
Without taking stakes.
Whether it’s right or wrong,
Without making mistakes.
Lea Rose Hay Swartzentruber
When I read my angel card about the little messages life gives us and how we should listen if similar ones keep repeating (synchronicity) I can only relate one way, the “Radio Game.” Anyone who’s ever been on a long road trip with me knows about this fun and unorthodox way to leave life’s big decisions up to the universe. When a major situation, choice or dilemma has me going in circles I ask my grandpas for guidance. Since they’ve both passed on and I’m not quite nuts enough to hear voices- I let the radio do the talking. I turn the volume all the way down after hitting the scan button, and then I ask my grandfather’s opinions. I turn it up, ignore talk or commercials, stop on the next song and interpret lyrics as they can be related to situations. No- it’s not scientific. It’s probably blasphemy and a little silly but then again I’m not scientific, a bit blasphemous and quite silly. Anyway I get about the same results as if I’d labored over these issues. It works out well sometimes and not so well most of the time, just like life. Regardless I waste less time debating and deciding and get an excuse to touch base with my favorite dead guys. I sometimes even find a new song I enjoy.